“you are wine drunk at a party
holding a beer you said would be your last
your hands you can’t control
your makeup melting into the room
your friend grabs your shoulder
but it’s too late
nick are we gunna make out or what?
you fall into him
nothing in the room exists to you but the boy
you came here with a goal
your friend digs into your arm and pulls you away
i really like him you say
he’s my soulmate
i want him
i want him so bad
you are consumed with the desire to be loved back
drowning in it
that’s enough he says
we have to go
you check your phone to distract yourself
we have to go
your friend’s grip is strong enough to break the door open
i want nick
i have a goal
nick is no longer in the room
nothing but anger and hands and spinning
we are leaving
you don’t want to go
where is he
your friend gets impatient
pushes you toward the door
you steal one last beer for the road
you left your beanie on the couch but you don’t care
the boy was the night
the night is gone”
baby, you are worth so much more than this.
“I am a woman built upon the wreckage of myself.”
“Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”
Natalie Standiford, How to Say Goodbye in Robot
“He is not a constellation.
You should not wish to be the cigarette touching his lips.
He will not appear through the fog and heal your wounds.
Only you can do that.
So get out of bed and put on some lipstick.
Stop falling at his feet.