That awkward moment when you get home from school...
him: it's just been... you know... like I honestly have moments where I don't want to live anymore. but then i think about all the things I haven't done, and I realize that I just can't die right now, you know? i want to die but i just can't.
me: I know. I've used to have those moments all the time. but you know what I hate? when you tell people that you don't want to live and they all say the same thing - "life is worth living and you're a wonderful person"
him: hahahahaha I know, it's the most generic reply ever. hahahahaha "wonderful person"
me: i know it's like... fuck, that's not what I want to hear. because obviously, I don't think life is worth living, and obviously I don't think I'm a wonderful person, and just because you say it, doesn't make it true.
him: yeah, but..... you ARE a wonderful person.
me: hahahaha I know. I really am, aren't I? You're wonderful too.
him: yeah, we're both pretty wonderful.
me: yeah, we are. so I guess we should just live, right?
I just want someone to share poetry with. Is that too much to ask? How come everyone I know hates poetry? Why can’t we all love poetry and post poetry on facebook and talk about poetry and read poetry to each other and do all that fun poetry stuff? why can’t someone just like poetry as much as I do?
Radio sounds breathe into your car on Tuesday morning And Something inside of you breaks. You’re a bitch of a lover Aren’t you? You’ve got plans written on your veins Engraved so far deep We’ll see them even when the birds stop singing And your bones don’t bend for Just anyone You’re made of something Inelastic Or so you think You’re a fool And your mouth will betray you Soon enough You can’t...
I’m going to watch TV for the first time in months.
I don’t know what to do.
to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything...– Ellen Bass, “The Thing Is” (Mules of Love, BOA, 2002)
Fuck I just took a 5 hour nap. Tuesday is officially over.
How totally under-theorized is breathing…– Anne Boyer, from “The Place Where in the End / We Find Our Happiness”
Because I mistrust my head & hands, because I know salt tinctures my...– Yusef Komunyakaa, Canticle
I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every...– Lemony Snicket
The snake bites it’s tail, the circle is closed, the story ends at its...– Christopher Bram, from The Notorious Dr. August
Do you ever miss those times?” Phoebe asked. “What times?” “You know. The...– The Invisible Circus - Jennifer Egan (1996).
I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!
i don’t know if you guys realize this or not but life is really fucking weird. like the things that go on in your gut and just… ugh everything is so unexpected but sometimes very expected, and you think you know something but you really don’t know and its just not good to be alive sometimes. life is so fucking weird.
you know when your lips are so luscious, you just want to kiss someone to give them the pleasure of feeling how luscious your lips are… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA i should sleep, yeah? yeah.
How do people find the time to make themselves so prettyyyy?
Even if we could turn back, we’d probably never end up where we started.– Haruki Murakami, 1Q84
Or do you think that you are unworthy or that your life has not been dramatic...– David Smith, “Questions to Students” (est. composition 1953-54)
Meditation is the art of dying. Then your ego will be shocked. And it is also...– Osho
i just want to study psychology and then read about why Hemingway was so upset all the time and also read about Virginia Woolf’s life and how she came up with such beautiful ways to describe such mundane things and i just want to study things that i want to study and i know it will happen soon, i just need to keep my head up and get through the year… only about 130 more days till...
[To write so that a beggar would take it for money.] And the dying would take...– Ewa Lipska (trans. Stanislaw Baranczak and Claire Cavanagh), “Envoy” (via gammasandgerunds)
there’s always tomorrow. tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
remember always that YOU have control- over who you are and how you feel and what you’re going to become. it’s all you. don’t let them convince you that it’s something bigger than you, or something that you won’t be able to conquer. no, you have control. take charge. you can do it.
I give up on school.
my life is so tragic that it’s hilarious sometimes. fuck, i just want to eat everything in my fridge and forget who i am. i want to fuck something up, you know? self destruct a million times over just do something besides sit around and wonder where I went wrong.
sometimes I wish I was a character in Hemingway’s the Sun Also Rises, and I’d do nothing but get ‘tight’, and just fool around trying not to feel anything. …totally broken and dysfunctional… but numb.
there comes a point where you realize that optimistic thinking is just self deception. nothing is really as great as you make yourself believe it to be.