him:it's just been... you know... like I honestly have moments where I don't want to live anymore. but then i think about all the things I haven't done, and I realize that I just can't die right now, you know? i want to die but i just can't.
me:I know. I've used to have those moments all the time. but you know what I hate? when you tell people that you don't want to live and they all say the same thing - "life is worth living and you're a wonderful person"
him:hahahahaha I know, it's the most generic reply ever. hahahahaha "wonderful person"
me:i know it's like... fuck, that's not what I want to hear. because obviously, I don't think life is worth living, and obviously I don't think I'm a wonderful person, and just because you say it, doesn't make it true.
him:yeah, but..... you ARE a wonderful person.
me:hahahaha I know. I really am, aren't I? You're wonderful too.
him:yeah, we're both pretty wonderful.
me:yeah, we are. so I guess we should just live, right?
I just want someone to share poetry with. Is that too much to ask? How come everyone I know hates poetry? Why can’t we all love poetry and post poetry on facebook and talk about poetry and read poetry to each other and do all that fun poetry stuff?
why can’t someone just like poetry as much as I do?
Radio sounds breathe into your car on Tuesday morning And Something inside of you breaks. You’re a bitch of a lover Aren’t you? You’ve got plans written on your veins Engraved so far deep We’ll see them even when the birds stop singing And your bones don’t bend for Just anyone You’re made of something Inelastic Or so you think You’re a fool And your mouth will betray you Soon enough You can’t Indulge Feel Hurt You smile so hard It seems to be coming out of your neck But fuck you and your Rearrangements Fiddling with matchboxes And tangibility Trying to hold brick houses on your shoulders You don’t carry the world The world carries you The storm will carry you farther Than your limp feet So for once Ride it and Feel.
“to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumples like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”—Ellen Bass, “The Thing Is” (Mules of Love, BOA, 2002)
“The snake bites it’s tail, the circle is closed, the story ends at its beginning, but the meaning has changed. You must be born again. And again. And again. And again.”—Christopher Bram, from The Notorious Dr. August
“Do you ever miss those times?” Phoebe asked.
“You know. The sixties.” The term sounded foolish.
Karl sucked at the pipe, eyes narrowed.
“It was good,” he said, breathing smoke. “Like falling in love. Sure, you want the beginning. But you know already the end.”
Phoebe took the pipe. The smoke was soft as felt in her lungs.
“What’s the end?” she asked.
“Same like everything,” he said. “Goes too far, becomes the opposite.”—The Invisible Circus - Jennifer Egan (1996).
i don’t know if you guys realize this or not but life is really fucking weird.
like the things that go on in your gut and just… ugh everything is so unexpected but sometimes very expected, and you think you know something but you really don’t know and its just not good to be alive sometimes.
“Or do you think that you are unworthy or that your life has not been dramatic enough or your understanding not classic enough, or do you think that art comes from Mount Parnassus or France or from an elite level beyond you?”—
David Smith, “Questions to Students” (est. composition 1953-54)
i just want to study psychology and then read about why Hemingway was so upset all the time and also read about Virginia Woolf’s life and how she came up with such beautiful ways to describe such mundane things and i just want to study things that i want to study and i know it will happen soon, i just need to keep my head up and get through the year…
only about 130 more days till graduation. i can do it, right? yeah, i can do it.
remember always that YOU have control- over who you are and how you feel and what you’re going to become. it’s all you. don’t let them convince you that it’s something bigger than you, or something that you won’t be able to conquer. no, you have control. take charge. you can do it.